Romaniv

*I also wrote this yesterday (Friday), but am just now getting a chance to post. Sorry! 

Today we visited the Romainv Disabled Boys Orphanage. Me, Krystallin (another intern), Chris, Barry, Olya, Oksana (little and big), and Ura drove about 30 minutes outside of Zhytomyr to a more rural area of Ukraine. The whole time, Oksana couldn't stop telling us about how different everything was at the orphanage, but at the same time told us that if we needed, we could step outside if we were overwhelmed or couldn't stand the smell.

As much as I hate to admit it, I was slightly uneasy the entire ride there. And if I'm being completely honest, a part of me just didn't want to see it. I was scared of what I was going to see and realize.

But almost all of that faded away the minute we walked up and 3 or 4 boys came up to us wanting to shake our hands, smiling and saying "privyet!" Their excitement just at the sight of us (probably just the Oksanas and Olya) was contagious and heart melting. We walked into a room that only slightly smelled like a horse barn. While that may sound slightly humourous, when you really think about it, it isn't. How is it that a place where humans actually sleep and eat could smell like an animal barn? That just doesn't sit right with me, but it's the only way I can describe the smell.

Barry was shocked at the sight of the room - borders on the wall, colorful desks and charis and shelves full of toys and craft supplies. Surprisingly enough, none of that was donated or paid for by MTU people, which means that someone else bought it. How cool is that?

Anyways, apparently just a year ago, the walls were literally painted black and kids were sitting tied to benches against the walls. This place could not be more different. The first group of boys walked in and sat at the tables and was mostly quiet and well behaved. 

We sat with them and even the slightest affection and attention did wonders for them, as was evidenced by the gaint grins covering their faces. It was wonderful. The Oksanas did a Bible lesson, songs, games and acrafts with two age groups and a group of more severely disabled kids.

Some things that I learned about the orphanage: 

-Most of the kids have families, even living in Zhytomyr. Sometimes the families come and bring the kids home for a period of time and then bring them back. That breaks my heart more than anything.

-Out of the approximately 80 boys, only about 5 of them can speak. Some speak mostly gibberish. Can you imagine the frustration of not being able to communicate? Or even worse, thinking you can communicate but not a single person can understand you?

-Some of the boys are in their mid-20's. This isn't normal, it's just that the current director doesn't have the heart to let them go.

As I sat and patted backs, got my nose ring twisted and my tattoo practically scratched right off, nodded in agreement with words that I didn't know and showed little faces their own image on my camera, my observations turned to solemn thoughts.

These boys may be happy and joyful at our arrival, but the fact remains that they are in an orphanage. They don't receive the love they deserve, the care they need, or the individual attention they want. They are not at all part of society, nor have they experienced any part of the world outside those walls. They may at least have clothes, but their socks are holey, thier pants are too small or far too big and it's all dirty. There was one boy who walked around holding his pants around his chest so they wouldn't fall down. He didn't have the privilege of having a belt of string around his waist like another boy did.

At one point, a new group came in and an especially quiet boy came and sat down next to me. After they beaded their bracelets and I took several photos of him and showed him his own face, he cracked a smile. After that, all I had to do was rub his back gently and he'd have a precious grin on his face.

When they got up to leave for the next group, he forcefully grabbed my wrist and physically demanded me to go with him. Instantly I felt uncomfortable and honestly, kind of scared. He was strong! I walked with him to the door and awkwardly mumbled something along the lines of, "...uhh ha haa... I think I'm supposed to stay here...heh?" which he obviously didn't understand. And as everyone watched me be dragged out the door and outside the building, my fear rose as I saw where we were going.

Honestly, this is all legitimately embarassing for me to say, because who am I to be afraid of being someone's friend?\

Anyways, we walked out toward the fenced in playground where I saw probably 35 boys running around throwing balls. They all looked bigger and older and I frantically scanned for an adult or even someone who spoke English. Tons of ridiculous and shameful thoughts swarmed my brain and when I realized I was literally standing still in fear, I decided, I chose to stop thinking that way. I was coming out here with this precious boy for a reason and I wasn't going to pull away and run back inside. He deserves to have a friend, someone who will hold his hand and go play with him.

My fear quickly subsided as I saw Ura and some others sitting outside with the boys and it was completely gone when the boy took me around to the far side of the fence and sat me down next to him. And just sat. That's all he wanted, just for me to come with him. And when the rest saw me out there, they were so happy! I tossed a ball with several boys who just wanted someone to play with them. It was so simple to make them happy, and their joy was so completely contagious. My cheeks actually hurt when I left. I refuse to ever be scared like that again.

Soon after, Barry and Olya and Chris came out and said that I should join them in the last class, the most severely disabled boys. Big Oksana taught a lesson for 8 or 9 boys with different ailments. One boy was blind and loved to toss a ball around, yelling "opa!" every time he caught it. Another boy, Dima, has cerebral palsy but has a completely functioning brain. His condition makes it seem like he doesn't understand what is going on, but if you watch carefully, he knows exactly what everyone says. There was another child who sat in the back with sores on his arms and legs and just simply rocked back and forth. Another was more severely disabled but sat and played with puzzles and blocks the whole time.

The whole experience was slightly surreal to me. I'm sure I'll go again, and frankly I've been holding back tears all day. It'll come sometime, I'm sure. I just feel like its one of those things that you hear about all the time but when you actually see, smell, touch and experience, it takes you a second to realize what just happened. the extreme opposing emotions I was feeling came and went in a circular motion - "Oh my goodness these kids are so happy and sweet and precious! Their laughter and smiles are ridiculously contagious and oh, my cheeks hurt actually. But wait, this isn't like this all the time because they are actually in an orphanage." It's incredibly hard to think about.

All the pictures will be in a post as soon as I can from my computer. But just wait til you see these faces. Your heart will be in a puddle on the floor. 

I think I'm going back on Friday, so I'll let you know how that goes too. 

That's all for now.

Lauren